A BREAK FROM BASKETBALL TERMINOLOGY. . .

20 THINGS EVERY PARENT SHOULD HEAR!

Today, I want to share some words on parenting.

1.  You are a hero for your kids.  You are.  You're a go-the-distance, fight-the-dragon, face-the-challenges hero for your kids.  Taking a beating makes that more true.  Not less.

2.  We all struggle.  Every parent.  Everywhere.  We all second-guess ourselves.  And we all want to quit sometimes.  Hold the good times close, and when things are tough, remember "this, too, shall pass."

3.  Finding the funny might not save your soul, but it will save your sanity.  Or maybe it's the other way around.  Either way, look for the humor and embrace the crazy.  Laughter is a lifeline.

4.  Every day, you will feel like you have mishandled something.  Like you've been impatient.  Like you've misjudged.  Like you've been too harsh.  Like you've been too lenient.  You may be right.  Apologize if you need to and then, whatever.  Seriously.  Just whatever.  Let it go.

5.  The crazy, the crying, the cuddles.  The screaming, the sacred, the scared.  The minutes, the magic, the mess.  It's all part of it.  And it's all worth it.

6.  Family is the best.  Even when it's not perfect.  And it's never perfect.  Ever.

7.  At the end of organization, at the end of patience, at the end of perfection, we die to ourselves.  And then love rises from the ashes.  It sucks.  And then it gets better.  And then it sucks again.  Still, love rises.

8.  You will never regret parenting.  Except for the teeny, tiny tons of times when you secretly wonder if you maybe regret it just a little.  But, overall, never.  And overall is what counts in the end.

9.  Parenting is like climbing the big mountain.  Look for the base camp.  That's where you rest, meet other climbers, take in oxygen and acclimatize.  Base camp is what makes summiting possible.

10.  You are not alone in this strange, vast, parenting ocean.  Even in the dark of night.  You are not alone.  You're not!

11.  Kids know the way to magical and they'll give you a free pass to come along. Breathe in the magic as long as you can because that same kid is going to poop her pants in just a minute.

12.  There's a very fine line between enjoying the chaos and barely surviving.  Actually, there's no line at all.  It's all mixed up together.  That "fine line" thing is a lie.

13.  If you pay attention, kids will teach you how to laugh loudly, how to love deeply and how to live fully.  They will also ruin all your stuff.

14.  Any number of kids is a lot of kids.

15.  Look for joy.  You'll find it in the middle of the busy.  Or under the ridiculous.  Or hanging from the overwhelmed in its underpants.  Joy's like that.  It's in the middle of everything.  It's completely unpredictable.  And it will surprise you when you're not expecting it.  Like vomit and diarrhea, except good.

16.  You will fall apart and do it all wrong.  Forgive yourself.  Ask your kids to forgive you.  Set an example of resilient fallibility.  Set an example of practicing the art of love----both loving yourself and loving others.  No one does this parenting gig right the first time.  Or the last time.  Or the times in between.  Showing your kids how to keep going after getting it wrong is a wonderful gift to them.

17.  Kids are difficult, gross, confusing, and awesome.  So are you.

18.  Parenting will bring you face to face with yourself.  It may be terrifying.  It may break you.  But it will also rebuild you, and you will be stronger than you ever thought possible.

19.  Balance is a myth.  Parenting isn't a tight-rope walk; it's a dance.  Strive for rhythm instead of balance, and trust yourself to move to the ever-changing beat.

20.  Yes, you will have days where you wonder where the hell the capable and organized you went. Yes, you will sit on the floor of the main aisle at Target by the check-out area with a child who is thrashing, screaming and calling you names.  Yes, you will have to tell your child that the dog is not a napkin, and to put down the urinal cake.  If you do not do all those things literally, then you will do them figuratively.  And yes, you will also hold that child and rock back and forth and tell her you love her, and tell her she's safe and tell her you're not leaving even though she will someday leave you.  This is parenting.  It is tragic and triumphant.  Messy and magical.  Sacred and spectacular.  And it is, always, fiercely worthwhile.


Happy 3rd Birthday, my beautiful baby girl!

Until next time!

Grace and Peace,
Peter

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT?

In any sport, when we practice, we get better, and our skills increase.  Even when we put our minds to something outside of sports, we need to study, and practice continuously, so that we become better at it---whether it's taking exams, learning a new job, or even becoming more fit.  Improvement will never happen unless we keep at it, and stay on task.

Currently, the two best teams in the NBA are duking it out in the Finals---the Miami Heat and the San Antonio Spurs.  Many of these current players not only played for 9 months, but also played last summer in the Olympics.  How are they able to sustain such a long season?  By practicing, and exercising, and weight lifting each day---the players also would rejuvenate by eating healthy, and by resting.  Did they do this alone?  Of course not...not only would they get support from their teammates, but each player has a personal trainer.  I'll get to this later on in this blog.

Often, we as Christians diligently avoid outward sins---and rightfully so.  Sin leads to death and estranges us from God.  But how often do we actively seek godly lives and good works?  While we avoid sin with our mouths through gossip, lying or unkind words, we are slow to speak encouragement or to voice gratitude.

Such failures are subtle.  As "good Christians," we understand and abide by clear rules like "don't steal" or "don't commit adultery."  But commands for goodness, generosity, and service seem subjective.  Satisfied that we have shunned the evil deeds, we might even give ourselves more leeway when it comes to doing good works---quietly setting them aside as we fill ourselves with the pride of being saint-like.

In Titus 2:1, Paul commands Titus to "teach what accords with sound doctrine," listing examples like self-controlled speech and temperance to or reverence and kindness.  Before instructing Titus on positive or negative actions, he gives the purpose of the good works: "so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior" (2:10).  Our godliness gives credence and attractiveness to doctrine.  Conversely, a life of sin skews doctrine and maligns God's nature.

Paul's words offer hope.  God's grace trains---a word that brings marathon runners and body builders to mind (Titus 2:12).  While training is slow, hard work that requires practice and perseverance, it makes a weak body strong.  And just as an athlete would not prepare for an event without a trainer, we are not expected to live upright lives on our own.  Paul declares that Jesus Christ is the one who purifies us for these good works.  The grace that gave us new life also trains and sustains us through the hard work of godliness.

                                                     Painting Titled 'You can't do it alone'

Until next time,
Grace and Peace,
Peter

BUZZER BEATER!

This will be short and sweet.  I do feel that I just hit a buzzer beater to win the game.

In basketball, a buzzer beater is a shot taken just before the game clock of a period expires, when the buzzer sounds. The term is normally reserved for baskets that win or tie the game, but also refers to shots that beat an end-of-quarter or halftime buzzer. If a player releases the ball, "beating" the buzzer, so that it sounds while the ball is in mid-air, the shot still counts if it goes in. Often, a buzzer-beating shot will be released from long range (even from beyond half court), making for a spectacular play if it connects.


Our family feels blessed to be here at First United Methodist Church of Orange, and it's only been a little bit over a month.  I was honored to be asked to speak at the United Methodist Women's Group here at the church, and was asked to share my life stories.

This experience, as well as many others in the past 6 weeks, have solidified in me that this is where God has called our family.  Things have been laid out perfectly, and all I can say is.....THANK YOU.

Julia's 3rd Birthday

United Methodist Women's Group

FLOPPERS

This is a term in the NBA that has actually been getting a lot of attention during the Eastern Conference Finals between the Miami Heat and the Indiana Pacers.  Players were being fined left and right for their 'flopping'.  

In basketball, a flop is an intentional fall by a player after little or no physical contact by an opposing player in order to draw a personal foul call by an official against the opponent.^[1] The move is sometimes called acting, as in "acting as if he was fouled". Because it is inherently designed to deceive the official, flopping is generally considered to beunsportsmanlike. Nonetheless, it is widely practiced and even perfected by many great professional players.  (From Wikipedia).

So a player is basically trying to sell a call to a ref by faking, or acting.  When someone is doing that, they aren't being truthful to oneself, or to others.  It is like being hypocritical. . .

Why am I talking about this?  One of my fears is being in full time ministry with youth and children, and being a parent at the same time.  You always hear horror stories of PK Kids (Pastor's Kids) turning out rebellious, because they often feel neglected, or not a priority in the parent's life.

Our children see all of our faults, and all of our weaknesses.  The article below by Kara Powell and Brad Griffin from Fuller Theological Seminary lays out a framework of parents in full time ministry being real with their own children.  Why do this?  Because if we don't, our children are smart enough to see right through our 'phoniness'.  

Grace and Peace,

Peter

“I am better with other people’s kids than I am my own.”

We’ll never forget the first time we heard this honest, gut-wrenching confession from a successful youth pastor. This sharp, thoughtful leader was honestly sharing his own struggles with being a parent in ministry. When he articulated the words above, you could hear a collective resonance in the room as leaders from around the country agreed: Yes, this is an issue for us too.

Maybe you can relate. It’s one thing to have conversations with students in our ministries about everything from scripture to school to sex. It’s quite another thing to have those same conversations with our own kids. Especially during seasons when they are beginning to stretch the boundaries of our relationships beyond the limits we imagined we’d be stretched. Especially when we have to talk about curfew, math homework, and violin rehearsal in the same space and time. Especially when we walk past the bedroom we’ve asked them to clean up at least twelve times in the past two days.

Yeah, those young people who live under our roofs can be hard to talk with about faith.

They’re also the same young people, by the way, who see all of our inconsistencies, failures, and flaws. Not only do they see them, but they also feel personally impacted by them in ways the rest of the youth ministry never will.

So what about those kids?

Here are three practical tips for youth workers who double as parents of teenagers:

1. Admit your own struggles. We leaders often struggle with handling the tension between being models to others while being fully aware of our own struggles, flaws, and sin. Imagine being a youth leader’s kid and seeing that tension played out every day in your parent! Use your struggles as an opportunity to talk about how much you need Jesus’ grace to rescue and strengthen you every day. If your struggle affected your own child, apologize and ask for their forgiveness.

2. Share your own faith. According to our Sticky Faith research, not only does it matter for parents to ask their kids questions about the kids’ faith, but it also matters when parents share stories and insights about their own faith. In other words, rather than just interrogating your kids about what they learned in youth group or Bible study, we can take little and big opportunities to share what we’ve been learning in our small group, what we’ve been praying about lately, or how we’ve seen God showing up in our lives.

3. Share your testimony. One youth pastor friend asked twenty different students—all of whose parents were actively involved in the congregation—if they knew their parents’ testimony. Want to guess how many students knew their parents’ story of faith? Zero. Even if your testimony involves a less-than-ideal past, if you have a teenager in your home it’s likely time they knew more about Christ’s work in you across the seasons of life so far. And not only your testimony, but also that of your spouse, other relatives, and trusted adult friends. Start sharing stories and you might be surprised how much teenagers want to hear.

We’d love to hear the ways you’ve tried to foster faith conversations in your own family, and what other structures or boundaries you’ve put in place to nurture faith in your home, not just your youth ministry. Leave a comment below with your ideas!